Kick This!

Thanksgiving

At last, Thanksgiving is upon us. This is the best of the major holidays because, unless you have to travel, your only real obligation is to stuff your face. A key to maximizing enjoyment is to tune out of all the Christmas shopping hoopla and propaganda.

The day after Thanksgiving is best spent not at a shopping mall, but doing whatever the hell you please. In my case, with advancing age, increasingly this means lying around listlessly and thinking about breasts.

The only thing missing would be if the EPL or Champion's League would schedule a couple of games, but you can't have everything.

To anyone strange enough to be reading this, have a happy Thanksgiving.

Ben Olsen To Hang It Up

Goff reports here that Ben Olsen has decided to retire. An official announcement will not come until after MLS cup.

As if to answer the other question uppermost on our minds, Goff states that Benny "is not a candidate for United's head coaching job . . .  but seems likely to remain with the organization in some capacity, perhaps as an assistant coach."

Big news indeed, and not just for sentimental reasons. There were many games last year when Ben was the true quarterback on the field. Without his vision and superior soccer mind, the team would have been lost. Take, for example, the first half against Real Madrid. Ben looked almost unhinged as he directed traffic, pulling strings to make United's defense and offense work effectively. It is absolutely true that his physical shape--declining speed, sharpness, endurance--had become a liability. However, Ben contributed so much to this team that he will be impossible to entirely replace.

Therefore, I truly hope that he is invited to stay on in some capacity if that is what he wants to do. I had actually hoped he would be well enough to play for one more season and be involved in the transition of the team to rising younger players. I'd take Benny back more than (don't send me hate mail) Jaime Moreno, because Olsen still seemed able to contribute more.

As for the rest of it . . . aw it hurts of course. Hurts to see him go, hurts to see the passing of an era, hurts to be reminded yet again of the march of time.

One thing is certain: just as much as we will miss cheering for him on the field, we will miss having him around as the heart and soul of the team. Damn.

 

UPDATED:

Here's BDR with thoughts and some choice Benny quotes. Richie Williams for head coach and Olsen for assistant? Could be.

Mon Dieu!

Poor Ireland.

The soccer bridesmaid played great against the French, only to have its World Cup hopes annihilated on a handball so flagrant that even Thierry Henry himself had this to say after the match:

I am not the ref . . . . The ball hit my hand and, I will be honest, the ball hit my hand. It was a handball.

Through these comments Henry's reputation as a fairly good guy probably survives (even though he deliberately handled the ball twice!).

A major embarrassment for the referee and FIFA of course (as if FIFA actually gives a damn). What a shame that the Irish team  will stay home next summer and the old and busted French team with their old and busted manager will go to South Africa.

(Cartoon credit:  source.) 

As for the US team's woeful performance against Denmark (country motto:  "Denmark: We're Not Sweden"), please direct your browsers to Fullback's dire yet accurate match reaction here, complete with Hamlet-quoting goodness.

Playoff Weekend

I wonder if Kevin Payne sat at home watching the playoffs this weekend, thinking that, but for some bad luck in the last game of the season, DC United could have been there . . . .

Maybe he did, but this season's edition of United would have found it tough going against any of the last four teams, who mostly played pretty decent soccer all around. Maybe the sweetest part of the weekend was seeing Chicago eliminated at home on PKs, since this helped redress the playoff games in which Chicago sent me home from RFK on the verge of tears.

Galaxy 2 - Houston 0

The LA Galaxy came out looking assured and well-coached. The two blackouts seemed to take some of the wind out of their sails, however. Houston was unlucky with two balls off the crossbar and a goal called back (for what?), but their collapse in overtime made it easy for the Galaxy to romp to victory. I found it interesting how much space Houston was letting Beckham have with the ball in the final third--the fancy-haired one is not a good dribbler, so why not close him down hard?

Chicago 0 - Salt Lake 0 (4-5 on PKs)

Both teams looked nervous and tight during the first half, showing none of the flair they had exhibited in their last playoff games. As the match wore on, Chicago was clearly the more discombobulated, either unable to execute a tactical plan or bereft of such a plan in the first place. Blanco, Rolf, and McBride were not very involved, and RSL deserved the win. As is often not the case, during overtime the match really came alive. When the game went to penalties it seemed pretty clear that Salt Lake would prevail, because for whatever reason Nick Rimondo is a genius defending PKs.

*  *  *

Now, the question is who to pick in the final? I'm guessing LA, because they have too much speed and guile going for them, even though the artificial turf may give RSL a slight advantage.

Can the MLS season really be just about to end? It seems like an eternity since the last home game at RFK . . . .

Robert Enke

By now you've heard that Robert Enke, the goalkeeper for Hannover 96 and likely starter for Germany in next years' World Cup final, threw himself in front of a train on Tuesday. He apparently had been devastated by the death of his first child at the age of 2 in 2006, and had kept his depression hidden from his teammates. According to Enke's wife:

[H]er husband spent years trying to hide his mental illness, fearful it might destroy his career and cause the authorities to take away their adopted daughter, before he finally killed himself.

Like in the aftermath of other suicides, people in the community of the person who took his life are asking whether they could have done anything to prevent the loss. The football world in Germany is engaged in similar introspection:

"How is it possible that a young successful footballer can get into a position where he sees no way out?" wondered the ashen-faced president of the German football association. "Could we have seen it coming? Should we have dug deeper, beyond the surface? No one had any idea."

One of the pleasures of sports is that they are a release from the realities of life. Perhaps that is why, when things like this happen to sportsmen, they seem quite shocking.

The more interesting issue involves how Enke felt he had to hide his problems because, in part, of his job. This is not surprising, given football's macho culture, but it is not characteristic of football alone. People in all walks of life hide their mental illness or refuse to get treatment because of fear of being stigmatized or even losing their careers. Professional pilots, for instance, dread having a record of treatment for any serious ailment, for fear that they will lose their licenses to fly.

By their nature, competitive sports cater to primal instincts--to be part of a group, to fight, to win--and in doing so often underscore truths about real life. Enke's situation was not unique to soccer. Showing weakness of any kind can kill many types of careers, and the increasing responsibilities that come with age can lead anyone to feel trapped without a way out--except the ultimate one.

So, soccer itself should not be blamed for this. On the other hand, having players and coaches openly examining their feelings in the wake of this event is probably not a bad thing, given the pressurized culture of the sport as a whole. If, as a result, someone someday is encouraged to get help boxing with their shadows and finds a little peace, then that will be allright.

Enke found his peace at the sharp end of a speeding train.

Galaxy Advances

It looked like the better team won last night at Home Depot Center.

The NY Times has an interesting article, found here, about Beckham's renaissance with the Galaxy. A quote:

“Now I would say they really enjoy each other,” said Arena, who credited Donovan’s professionalism for mending the relationship. Donovan said it was Beckham’s renewed dedication to his teammates. He described how Beckham had addressed the Galaxy on the eve of Sunday’s match and had recently taken the players out to dinner to celebrate making the playoffs.

“He’s done a lot of things to show that he wants to be here,” said Donovan, who has assumed the role of captain from Beckham.

The article includes a reference to Bruce Arena acting like "Dr. Phil" to smooth things over between his high-strung stars. I'll be rooting for Houston to prevail, on general principles, but it's probably a good thing for the league that the Galaxy is not a total laughingstock anymore.

Revolution Crushed

Okay, so maybe United's true rival over the years in the Eastern Conference has been the Chicago Fire, and Cuauhtemoc Blanco is reviled in these parts almost as much as Dan Snyder. (Did you know that "Cuauhtemoc" is the Spanish word for "hunchback"?) Thus, one would think it would be hard for a United fan to root for the Fire in the playoffs. However, I have always respected Chicago and its fans, despite the rivalry. The New England Revolution and its fans, on the other hand, are another matter entirely.

Therefore, rooting for the Fire was never easier than last night, as Chicago downed the nasty, ugly football, shithead Revolution. The match report is here. This United fan cheered mightily as, in a wonderfully entertaining match, the Fire played with quality and determination to come from behind on aggregate points and advance in the playoffs, kicking New England to the curb in the process.

Next up for the Fire will be RSL. This has the potential to be an interesting match, depending on which RSL team shows up.

Soehn Is Out

The official story is that Tom Soehn decided to withdraw his name from consideration to be United's coach going forward. Whether this is the case or, as is common in the business world, he was given this option to save face, we will probably never know. Read about it here and here. The press release is here.

Obviously, I think this is a good move. But don't take my word for it. Here is what Bryan Namoff had to say:

I was under the impression that he was coming back. I'm a little surprised. ... It's a difficult transition for the players when you bring in a new coach. You have to re-prove yourself. You're on trial in a way and you don't know whether you fit into the new coach's plans. I hope they don't try to break up this team.

Sounds like he's sad to see Tommy go, right? But these comments illustrate one of the many reasons that Soehn needed to be shown the door. The team was complacent and comfortable with Soehn, and this showed on the field. Moreno and Gomez don't feel like playing defense? Fine. Emilio can't be bothered to make off-the-ball runs? No biggie. A change in attitude, increased accountability, and the need to fight for playing time are what the doctor ordered.

Even better, we were spared the wait of a long death watch in the offseason, which should hopefully allow a new management team to be installed in time to get things in order for next year.

Now, the DCUniverse will turn its attention to who the next coach should be. There are an awful lot of sentimental candidates involving men with DC United ties. I say, forget sentiment. In fact, don't start the search with names. Start by drawing up a list of desirable attributes you want in the coach, and then go out and look for someone who best fits your shopping list.

Attributes such as: good at spotting and developing talent, demonstrated record of success, managed playoff teams, pushes players to practice hard, has stature to command respect of veterans, communicates constantly and effectively with players, a good teacher, values "attractive" styles of play (if you must), looks good in a uniform (especially important for people like Mrs. Curmudgeon), etc.

In fact, I have already done DC United an enormous favor and completed the search for the new coach. Take note of the date and time, because I have found the perfect candidate:

Think about it.

UPDATED:

Goff posts a poll on his site and the blog-reading masses appear to prefer Richie Williams to be the next coach. Even if he was a good candidate, why would he want to come here instead of leaving his hometown and the brand new deluxe stadium the Red Bulls will be moving into?

BDR takes aim at Kevin Payne's doubletalk.

Fullback asks the questions many of us are pondering.

Say What? Part II

From Goff comes news that, not only has Kevin Payne issued an apology, he has been fined $5,000 by the league for making derogatory comments about other teams.

Here is the mea culpa:

I deeply regret some of the comments I made in an interview published earlier this week. In trying to explain the sometimes unfair expectations on the head coach of D.C. United, I made critical comments of Colorado, New England, Real Salt Lake and the league. Those comments were unprofessional. I have great personal regards and professional respect for my colleagues at those organizations and for their ownership and fans. I have apologized to those teams and individuals privately and now do so publicly.

The apology to the other teams and fans seems sincere enough. The imposition of the fine by the league is typically stupid.

All of this misses the troublesome aspects of Payne's comments from the perspective of a DC United fan, however. Taken as a whole, his comments to Goff smacked of (i) hubris and (ii) a dislocation from reality that was either contrived (bad enough) or actual (terrifying).

One of the things you want to hear as a fan is that the management recognizes problems and is working to solve them. Payne's comments suggested a blindness to the performance of United (and the coach) on the field and a tin ear to the fans' expectations (and DC United fans have very high expectations, particularly in light of Payne's and United's past success).

In other words, DC United has not been playing attractive soccer for quite a while. It also has off-field issues (the stadium and the apparently falling attendance (or at least the drop off in generalized positive buzz)). Therefore, before chest beating based on past glory, it would be helpful to see United stabilize the level of its play to "decent" and show progress toward resolving the big picture items.

I'm sure Kevin Payne wants this too, but his comments appeared, quite shockingly, to miss the boat. The best apology will be assembling a good team for next year. Let them do the talking by beating up on New England, Colorado, and Salt Lake.

Perspective

Maybe I was a just a slight bit harsh in repeatedly calling Kevin Payne a stupid fuckhead.

Steinberg's must-read post about the Redskins banning signs at FedEx field, found here, underscores what the depths of really ugly team ownership looks like. They're hypocrits too, claiming the ban is for "safety" purposes, while passing out their own, sanitized, pro-GEICO signs to customers. Go commerce!

When a team thuggishly forces someone to throw away a sign like this one, something is deeply wrong:

 

PS.  The Post and the internet are full of people expressing surprise at the management style of Snyder and Cerrato. But their behavior is neither surprising nor exceptional. Instead, it is entirely consistent with what I have repeatedly seen in my professional world:

People like Snyder and Cerrato rise to the top and end up calling the shots; people like Zorn and Campbell end up getting screwed over and humiliated. It happens every day in offices all over the country.

The key to survival is learning to please the Snyders and Cerratos while keeping your sanity. Zorn's predicament is similar to that of many middle-managers. His humiliation is much more public, though, while countless others seeth inwardly and, before facing each day, remind themselves of the family and lifestyle they are working to preserve.