Marathon 3 - United 1 August 18, 2009

His name is Janicki. Greg Janicki.

Much like the Roger Moore incarnation of James Bond, Janicki plays his role with a whiff of oafish cluelessness, partly for comedic effect, but always manages to save the world (and get the girl) at the end of the day.

Except for that last part.

Due to a series of cascading technical failures, I have not yet seen the entire match. Maybe this is for the best. Greg Janicki was atrocious, United collapsed in the final ten minutes, and the FSC broadcast was execrable.

DCUMD goes full recap on us here, with a generally favorable assessment except for Janicki, Allen, and John.

Fullback delights with this gem about our coach:

There was about a twenty minute stretch there where I thought we might get something from this game, but, as usual, the no-ambition tactical wizard on our bench pulled defeat from the jaws of victory. I keep hearing the cries of "make the change after the season," but I don't see how continuing this farce can be productive.

At least the dim-bulb coach finally saw the light and ran out a 4-4-2, although starting not one but two newcomers on the back line with Janicki, and not Jakovic, in the middle seemed like a gratuitous tempting of fate.

But why? Why move Simms to center back and put Janicki on the outside? For the love of all that is good in the world, why?

I'll tell you why:  because Tom Soehn is a dolt.

By most accounts, DC United's performance was improved from last Saturday. The team was in the game until the final 10 minutes. This is nice, but, how low have our expectations become? This isn't what DC United is supposed to be about! Oh, that's right, "We Win Trophies."

Another fiasco of a match, this on the same day I received an envelope from United with a promotional flyer and vouchers for free T-shirts. Let me tell you something, Mr. Kevin "We Win Trophies" Payne:

Take your lame-ass marketing campaign and self-congratulatory bullshit and shove it! How about you take a hard look at the entire miserable coaching staff and stop farting around? The product on the field is not generating positive buzz, and all the free T-shirts and slogans in the world are not going to change that.

Lipstick on a pig, indeed.

Here are Goff's player ratings:

Wicks 6; Habarugira 5, Janicki 2, James 5, John 5; McTavish 5, Olsen 5, Jacobson 6, Allen 5; Moreno 4, Emilio 6. Subs: Quaranta 7, Wallace 5, Simms 4.

Video "highlights," complete with cheesy Marathon music, are here.

It's encouraging at least that Habarugira showed some promise. Let's hope there was a sound reason to keep Danny Szetela at home and that he will be available on Saturday.

Truth be told, I've met Greg Janicki a couple of times and he seems like a really nice guy. I cannot believe that he is not trying his hardest to do well, and am not prepared to call for his head yet. Remember how impressive (not stellar, but promising) he was last year? Maybe better coaching and more playing time in a stable lineup will redeem him from consignment to MLS oblivion.

United has far larger problems to deal with going into the off season, which may arrive early if the team cannot get a result against the Galaxy.

Oh yeah, that.

Do you think Beckham and Landon "I have swine flu and I don't care" Donovan are going to shred our midfield and defense, or what?

Talon Rating:  2 out of 5 birds